Family Cultures

All across the world, no matter where we go, you will find that people do things differently. In Brazil, before entering into someone's house, people clap their hands outside of the yard. In France there are more than 360 different kinds of cheese. There are even some places in the world, such as Vietnam, where it is common to eat dog. Meanwhile, in other parts of the world, dogs are considered man's best friend. Each of these differences are due to the various cultures that exist throughout the world. Culture has a huge impact on communities and nations. Similar to how the culture of a community or nation influences customs, each family has their own culture that plays a big role in the lives of the individual family members.

A family’s culture is a unique and interesting thing. We often don't even realize that we have a family culture until we move out of home ,or stay with other people, such college roommates. One of the first times I noticed that my family has their own culture was when I came home from college to visit for Thanksgiving. In my family, technology is used at the bare minimum. For instance, I didn't get my own cell phone until I was 20 years old and in college. That Thanksgiving, when I came home, I was texting my girlfriend and my father complained that I was on my phone ‘all the time.’ In many families, the time I spent on my phone would have been considered completely normal. However, in my home, no matter the amount of time spent on the phone, any time spent involved on the phone instead of talking with the people who are present is considered rude.

Now, that’s just an example of one unique aspect of my family’s own culture. There are many other things that can very from one family to another that may reflect a difference in culture. Some families are more physically affectionate with one another. For instance, in your family, is it normal to tickle your grown siblings? Or would you only tickle little children during rough and tumble play? Or does your family never tickle at all? What about spanking? Some families only use spanking as a form of punishment, others would never permit spanking in their home. In contrast, some families will spank one another as a joke. Religion can also play a role in the differences in family culture. Does your family do things like pray before you have dinner? If you do, who is the one who prays, or asks someone to pray? The list can go on and can include how you talk with your family, or how you pick what you are going to do to bond together. However, each of these things help shape who you are and who your family is.

A family’s culture can be strongly influenced by the culture of their communities and nations. For instance, my wife and I are both from the western United States, but in many instances our families have a very different culture. As a couple, we are now working together to form our own family culture together. Which leads me to one of the great things about family culture: they are not set in stone, and they can be changed. If someone does not like something about the family culture in the home they grew up in, they can change that.

There are a lot of small things about a family’s culture that in long the run don’t make much of a difference. Whether or not a family allows people to wear shoes in the house, or requires that everyone finish everything on the plate at dinner before they are excused, usually doesn’t leave a long lasting effect on the relationships and development of family members. However, there some things that do matter a lot for a family.  

One of the big things that does matter is if your family culture allows its members to feel security. This is especially important for the younger children of a family. They need to know that they have parents who love them and love each other. One way that a family culture can help establish a sense of security is by having an executive leader of some sort. This is not a family dictator that doesn't compromise, but instead is a person that the family can turn to as a leader when things get out of control and become chaotic. The executive leader helps insure a feeling of security and safety.

I think it is wonderful that there are so many different kinds of cultures in the world. The differences between families can be a great blessing, because each family brings an important view and sense of character to the community. It’s my hope that we can remember to embrace the good in our family cultures, be willing to learn from the good in the cultures of other families around us, and be brave to leave behind the things that are harmful.

Family Dominoes: The Trends of Marriage and Family

Martin Luther King Jr. once said: “ Whatever affects one, directly affects all indirectly.” Often times, we hear others ask “ Why does it matter what I do, or how I do things? It's my life." Well, like Martin Luther King Jr. stated, our actions do not only effect our own lives, but the lives of others as well.

I will compare this effect to a set of standing Dominoes.

Once you hit one, they will topple one over another until all have fallen. One cannot fall without effecting others. In the same manner, what we do will not only effect ourselves, but also our families and our community. In this post I will be going over some family trends, and then how they have a successive Domino effect on other aspects of life for individuals, families, and communities.

Some of the interesting trends are as follows:

• People are marrying at a later age. In the U.S. the average age for males about 28, and for females it 26.
• 
  
• The percentage of couples who engage in cohabitation before marriage is on the rise within the U.S. with 60%-80% doing so.
• 
  
• There has been an increase of mothers who enter the work force who have children under the age of 6.
• 
  
• The size of households in the U.S. is decreasing with the current average size of a household being 2.3 people. This is along side a decreasing birth rate of 1.8 children born per women.
• 
  
• The number of out of wedlock births has been on a steady rise in the U.S. over the last several of years.
• 
  
• There is an increased rate of people living alone.
• 
  
• Additionally, there is an increased amount of reported loneliness.
• 
  
• Finally, there is a high rate of divorces.
• 
  

Many people may look at a lot of these trends and ask the question, “ Why does this matter?" Well, it turns out that these trends have a Domino affect one another. Just as Martin Luther King Jr. said, the each action we take does in all reality effect more than just ourselves and may have an unforeseen effect later on down the road.

So, what happens if people marry later, and how does that affect others? Often, when people delay marriage, it effects how many children that couple can have together. The number of children born into a family contributes to not only the size of the family or household, but to the population of our community and nation. At first glance this may not appear to big concern, but when a nation's birth rate falls below 2.3 children per mother, this is a concern. Once a birth rate falls below 2.3 children per mother, it throws the proportion of the population off balance, so that in future years there will too few children growing into adults who will then be able to take care of the adults who have become the elderly.

Next, let’s examine this Domino effect by taking a look at the trend of cohabitation before marriage. "How does this influence others? It only affects the relationship of the individual couple, right?" Well, often those who cohabit do not have as many children as those who are married, which as we have already explained, can cause some complicated trends in the population. Cohabitation is linked to the rise in children who are born out of wedlock. Couples that engaged in cohabitation before marriage are also linked to an increased rate of divorce. Of couples that divorce, when children are involved, the mother often has to seek employment. When mothers of children under six who were once the primary caregiver for their child have to enter the work force, this can be a cause for concern. At such a young age, there is a lot of development taking place for children, and it is important that they have a constant, reliable caregiver so that they can experience a healthy development physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Another prevalent trend is the increase of individuals who are living alone. This is linked to the decline in marriage. Similarly, it can also act as one of the contributing factors of smaller household sizes, and a higher reports of loneliness.

Now, there are certainly many sensitive reasons behind why individuals and couples choose to take the path that they do. But, regardless of the drive behind these trends, the result is not positive and has serious negative effect on the family and society. It is important that we be especially mindful of how our actions can effect our families that we have now, and the ones that we may wish to have someday.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn said, “Thus it is that no cruelty whatsoever passes by without impact, thus it is that we always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.”

In my mind, the family is the most important unit of a society.  However, being married, having children, and caring for loved ones is not cheap or easy at all. It can take an economic, emotional, and physical toll on individuals. I have never heard anyone say that to be a spouse or a parent is easy. The societal trends that we have discussed could be considered cheap in that they are easier or provide a path of least resistance. However, like Mr. Solzhenitsyn, these cheap choices will have an unfortunate consequence.

A short intro on who I am...

My name is Tyler Richardson. I am a Psychology Major with a Minor in Marriage and Family Studies. This semester in my class, Family Relations, I have been assigned to create a blog post each week to share what I am learning. I feel that the family is very important, and something that everybody can relate to and benefit from learning more about. As I share things here throughout the semester, I hope that it will be able to help someone. Please feel free to comment on the posts with your thoughts, questions, or concerns.