I still remember one of the first times I asked a girl on a date. I was 16 and I went bowling and got ice cream with a girl who was a whole 4 years older than me and who was actually one of my sister's best friends. One of the things that makes me smile looking back at it, is that I remember I spent at least $15, which was a ton of money for me at the time. I remember thinking to myself, "Man this dating stuff isn't for poor people like me, there has to be a better way to do this." Well, even though I was wrong about dating only being for the rich, there is a good and a bad way to go about dating.
It is important to consider what it means to date. From what I have learned, I believe that dating is a way to get to know people and to see with whom you are compatible. When dating you should do a wide variety of activities, with a wide variety of people. This will allow you to get to know what you do and do not like in another person, and gives you an opportunity to see how people act in different situations. I certainly am no expert yet, but if you did something like going to the movies every week with the same person, you may or may not be able to really get to know them very well or get to know others.
Once you start to know what you like and have gotten to know someone, the next thing you should start to do is to start to court. Courting is more or less a trial, or test where you see if you are compatible for marriage. If the couple is compatible, and everything works well, you may decide to get married and have the rest be history. At least that's how it works and should work in my mind, and is a safe way to do things. This isn't considering the norm of different cultures around the world, but is one safe way to do things that will help you get on the road to marriage.
Pretty simple right? You get to know different people, and then you get to liking one so you court and if it works out you get married. Even though that pattern seems pretty easy to follow it may not always be so easy to live.
One thing that we need to be aware of while dating and courting is the RAM model. The RAM Model (Relationship Attachment Model) was introduced by a man named John VanEpp. This model takes into account 5 different measures to consider when we are in a romantic relationship with others. These 5 measures have a specific order, and could be seen as a hierarchy of needs that need to be met in a relationship. The 5 measures are: 1) to know someone more than you 2) trust them, and to trust them more than you 3) rely on them, and to rely on someone more than you 4) commit to them, and to be more committed to someone than you are 5) physically intimate. When in a relationship, if we want to avoid rushing into something dangerous or something we may not want, we should be mindful of this model. So much heart ache could be avoided if this model was followed. It is important, because often things like holding some one's hand and kissing them can blind us on how much we actually know someone. It would be horrible if you committed to someone based off of how much you liked kissing them to find out to late that the person was a jerk. Often people's true colors don't show until months into a relationship, but if you didn't take the time to know and trust them, but got roped into a commitment with them, it may be hard to back out. Sadly people often marry jerks and those whom they did not actually know too well and it all could have been avoided if the RAM Model was followed.
Dating can be a lot of fun, but it also can be very important. Many different rivers lead to the ocean, just like many different paths lead to marriage. Just like how all rivers are not the same, all paths leading up to marriage are not the same. There is defiantly a wrong way to do things, and there is definitely a good way that will lead you to a healthy marriage with less chances of divorce.
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