The Family Soccer Team

Last week in my blog I talked a lot about family cultures and family rules. I mentioned how each family has a unique way of doing things that often make up its culture. One of the other big things that make up a family's unique family culture are the roles that are played by individuals in the family. These roles in the family are a big part of the family structure that make a family the way it is. However, a family structure can be intentionally and unintentionally planed and influenced. Today I would like to especially touch on how the roles within a family's culture can be changed by unique circumstances.



Something that I really enjoy is playing sports, especially when I was younger and had more time on my hands. One of my favorite sports is soccer. Like many other sports, soccer is a team sport made up of several important positions that can either strengthen or weaken a team.

I think that a family similarly organized in the way it is structured. Like a soccer team, a family is made up of many important roles and positions. There is the member of the family who often is responsible for the nurturing of the children and taking care of the family. There is also the person in the family who is in charge of being the leader of the family. There are other important roles, such as the caregiver who is the bread winner, or the family member who is the peacemaker. There even roles such as the family clown or the miniature mother. A family is operates best when it has the majority of these roles filled by members of its family and when the members work in union.

The culture  of a family influences who will play what roles within the family. For example, in traditional families in the United States, the mother usually fills the role of the nurturing the children and is a stay at home mom. Fathers are typically the main source of income and are responsible for providing for the family.

However, whatever roles family members start out in taking within their culture, there are outside forces that may influence a family to have to adjust or adapt their way of functioning as a team.

Have you ever thought of what would happen in a soccer game if all of a sudden there was no goalie? Or of what would happen if all of the people who played up front as forwards could no longer play?  Things would become chaotic and difficult pretty quickly. Maybe the team could still pull off playing the game, but at what expense? With no goalie, the defenders would have to work twice as hard to prevent the opposing team from scoring goals. Without forwards the other positions would have to double their efforts to make sure that there team would do the best to win.

Just as the structure of a soccer team can be a big part of its success, so is the structure of a family. However, there is not always a complete team full of players in every family. Due to various circumstances, the family roster may change drastically and as a result the family culture must adjust to the new dynamics.

This week I learned about how the unique circumstance of migrate families drastically influences their family structure. Often, the families coming here to the U.S. cannot come over all together, so they usually will send the father over first. In many cases, up to three years may pass before he can earn enough money to bring the rest of the family over to be with him. So what happens in that time while the family is separated?. Who plays the position the father while he is gone? Maybe the eldest brother might step in, or an uncle who is close by. But no matter who takes his position, it is an adjustment that effects the whole family.

Even when the family is finally united there are big adjustments that must be made to the family structure. For instance, once in the U.S., it's common for both parents to have to start to work. Who now is going to watch the children now that the mother has to work? As both parents work, and their children adjust to the changes in family circumstances and in their new country of residence, the family can get overwhelmed as they try to adapt and change to meet the new challenges they face.

This kind of thing can happen to more than just migrate families. Changes in the family structures are seen in military families when a parent is deployed, in homes where a family member goes away to jail or prison, or in families that suffer the tragedy of the death of a loved one. No matter the reason behind the change in the family structure, it can be very hard on the family team. Often in the family we can pick our own positions, but, in many circumstances our family soccer teams are not so ideal. It is important to be sensitive with the families who struggle around you and to reach out to help them. If your own family team is struggling, don't be too hard on yourself. Your family is not the only one with challenges. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for the help or support you need.